Dating while waiting for annulment
As Ashley told me her story, I flashed back to July of 2008.
I’ve mentioned a bit of this story before, but I’m going to tell you a very intense part that I’ve never had reason to tell before. I was in love with the one I was dating at the time, but I was scared of some things I saw in her (and things I saw in myself, too, even if I wasn’t honest enough with myself at the time to see it that way).
Then we moved to the parking lot of a nearby convenience store. I told the woman I loved that I couldn’t marry her. I just couldn’t get the emotional courage to make the definite choice.
(I did finally buy an engagement ring for her, which I still have.) I talked to the other one, too.
I knew she was going to be hurt, but I had no idea what the night was going to be like.
I felt terrible telling her that I was going to marry someone else.
Although the specifics of her story are very different from what happened to me, the feelings she described were enough to remind me of where I was four years ago this month. She has two men who want to marry her, but she can’t decide what to do.
I watched the love I wanted and needed get washed away because of my indecision.There was another woman who I’d had a very odd relationship with before I let myself meet and date the first woman.The second woman was something of a “project.” Her life had been a mess when I met her, and I had invested a tremendous amount of time in “rescuing” her.She was hoping the first woman would be out of the picture and she could finally have me.I felt guilty, loving one but not wanting to hurt the other.
Almost seven months after that fateful night in early July, the decision was taken out of my hands. It destroyed me in ways that I will never be able to explain to anyone.